I recently read an article which focussed on whether or not it was appropriate to ask a disabled person about their disability. The article writer, a young woman with a physical disability which she's had since birth, was suggesting that it was not alright to enquire and that people should get to know people with disabilities and the rest will fall into place. She did write that there are people who are ok with enquiries about their disabilities, me being one who is in that camp.
There may have been a time when I was younger that I might have not appreciated being asked about my disability and I know was asked often. And I still get asked. It is not a new question and it is a valid question. When I meet someone new I ask them where they are from, how long have they lived in NZ, what brought them here. Is that any different?
I think when someone asks me about my disability they are curious, interested. Otherwise, why would they ask. I am happy to answer most questions asked of me and depending on the person asking, I will determine the level of detail I share. It's all in the way you manage your response.
When I was in my 20’s, I had a friend who never asked me about my disability but I discovered that she had a book about Spina Bifida which she was reading. She was obviously curious, maybe even interested, I don’t know. I don’t recall having a conversation with her about it. She went overseas and although we wrote to each other regularly, we eventually lost touch. She did make contact while visiting family some years later and wanted to get together but that never happened, but again, the fact that she had kept in touch and wanted to see me during her visit showed me that my disability wasn't an issue for her.
To ask or not to ask. If people are curious or interested enough to ask, we as disabled people should not be offended by the enquiry. How we manage it is part of the education process.
Only we know who we are and only we can help others who are curious or interested understand about our disabilities and who we are as people who live with disabilities.

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